Ser “innecesaria”
Ha llegado la hora de reprimir el impulso natural materno de querer colocar el pichón debajo del ala, protegido de todos los errores, tristezas y peligros.
Es una ardua batalla, lo confieso.
Cuando empiezo a debilitarme en la lucha para controlar la supermadre que todas tenemos dentro, me acuerdo de la frase del título.
Si realicé mi labor de madre correctamente, tengo que volverme innecesaria.
Y antes que alguna madre me acuse de desamor, explico qué es lo que significa eso.
Ser “innecesaria” es no dejar que el amor incondicional de madre, que siempre existirá, provoque vicio y dependencia en los hijos, como si fuera una droga, a tal punto, de que ellos no sean capaces de poder ser autónomos, confiantes e independientes.
Deben estar prontos para trazar su rumbo, hacer sus elecciones, superar sus frustraciones y cometer sus propios errores también.
Con cada fase de la vida, una nueva pérdida es un nuevo logro; para las dos partes: madre e hijo.
El amor es un proceso de liberación permanente, y ese vínculo no deja de transformarse a lo largo de la vida.
Hasta el día en que los hijos se vuelven adultos, constituyen su propia familia y recomienzan el ciclo.
Lo que ellos necesitan es tener la seguridad de que estaremos con ellos, firmes, en el acuerdo o en la divergencia, en el triunfo o en el fracaso, prontas para el mimo, el abrazo apretado, y el consuelo en los momentos difíciles.
Los padres y las madres, solidariamente, crían a sus hijos para que sean libres y no esclavos de nuestros propios miedos.
Es ese el mayor desafío y la principal misión.
Cuando aprendemos a ser “innecesarios”, nos transformamos en un puerto seguro donde ellos puedan atracar.
Hagamos hijos independientes y seguros de sí mismos para que vivan una vida plena y honrada.
Tus hijos no son tus hijos
Tus hijos no son tus hijos,
son hijos e hijas de la vida,
deseosa de sí misma.
No vienen de ti,
sino a través de ti,
y aunque estén contigo,
no te pertenecen.
Puedes darles tu amor,
pero no tus pensamientos,
pues ellos tienen sus propios pensamientos.
Puedes abrigar sus cuerpos,
pero no sus almas,
porque ellos
viven en la casa del mañana,
que no puedes visitar,
ni siquiera en sueños.
Puedes esforzarte en ser como ellos,
pero no procures hacerles semejantes a ti,
porque la vida no retrocede ni se detiene en el ayer.
Tú eres el arco del cual tus hijos,
como flechas vivas,
son lanzados.
Deja que la inclinación,
en tu mano de arquero,
sea para la felicidad.
Confundimos amor con dependencia.
Sentimos erróneamente que si nuestros hijos volasen libres no nos amarán más. Creamos situaciones innecesarias para demostrar que somos imprescindibles. Cuestionamos las situaciones que demandan nuestro consejo y orientación, porque en el fondo lo que necesitamos es sentir que todavía somos amados.
Muchas veces, confundimos el amor con la seguridad. Por exceso de protección cortamos las alas de nuestros hijos. Les impedimos que busquen respuestas propias y vivan sus sueños en vez de los nuestros. Tenemos tanta seguridad de que sabemos más que ellos, que el puerto seguro se convierte en un ancla que les impide navegar por las olas de su propio destino.
Muchas veces, confundimos el amor con apego. Añoramos congelar el tiempo que todo transforma. Nos quedamos pegados en el miedo a perder, evitando así el flujo natural de la vida. Respiramos menos, pues no caben en nuestro cuerpo los vientos de cambio.
Aprendí que el amor nada tiene que ver con apego, seguridad o dependencia, aunque en ocasiones me confunda. No sirve de nada querer que sea diferente: el amor es alado.
Aprendí que la vida está hecha de constantes muertes cotidianas, llenas de sabor agridulce. Cada punto final abre espacio a una nueva frase.
Aprendí que todo pasa menos el movimiento. Es en él que podemos colocar nuestro descanso y nuestra fe, porque él es eterno.
Aprendí que existe un niño en mí que al ver a mis hijos crecidos, se asusta por no saber qué hacer. Pero es mucho mejor ser libre que imprescindible.
Aprendí que es necesario tener coraje para volar y dejar volar, Y no hay camino más bello que ese.
(Los textos son de autor desconocido, fueron copiados y recontados por Adonis)
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